i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
