And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
