He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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