I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
