i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
