Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
