He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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