I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
