my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
