thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
