With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
