but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
