I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
