i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
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