fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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