you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Randomize
