Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I would fuck him just for his dog
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
