my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
