lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
