She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You can make out without kissing
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