Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
