Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
