Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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