I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
