you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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