Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
