Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
