I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
