Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
