Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
