1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
