pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
