I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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