there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
