You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
