I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Send help, water and tortillas.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
