He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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