just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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