I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
