i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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