He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
