Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
