Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
