sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
