The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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