well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
