too bad you live with your parents still
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
