im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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