you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
