She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
