I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
