I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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