Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
