I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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